Times Like These…

I hope that you are enjoying the summer weather. I know that it's been really hot, but that's what summer is all about.

I recently hosted my annual “ladies only” pool party. 20 of my girlfriends came over for an afternoon of sunshine, swimming, music and laughter. New friends meet old friends; we connect and converse. It’s a time like this that reminds me of girl power. You know, that power of intelligent friendship that can get you through anything. We need that share time, to talk, to laugh, and even to cry a little. A bit of respite in a world that can be tough sometimes. This was a very good time.

I had the opportunity to listen to a really great band a couple of weeks back. They did 80s and 90s covers and they ROCKED the house. Now I’m certain that there would be those who might say that to stand up on a stage, playing the music and singing the lyrics of others, would be a sellout. I’m not one of those folks. The band members played their instruments flawlessly and sang just about perfectly and seemed to have a blast doing it. I had a blast singing out loud, recalling the times I’ve heard that song before and I was grinning from ear to ear. It’s a time like this that reminds me that it doesn’t matter how you use your personal talents, as long as they are feeding a need in you, they will feed one in those around you. It doesn’t matter if the material is original or someone else’s, if you are doing something you love and entertaining me while you’re at it? That’s the best part!

Spending moments with people you love and who love you back. Getting past the negative influences and embracing the positive. Breaking down the walls you built around your heart and mind for protection. Taking steps to remind yourself of the good times in your life. These are all things that will help you get through times like these, where the world seems to be worn out, tired, crabby, and a little bleak. Changing your thinking will change your life. It’s true, it works, just try it sometime.

I know that it’s a little hard to believe, but things will get better for everyone. Personally, professionally, anywhere you need it. It’s time to reach out and work a little harder for what you want, what you desire. Say what’s on your mind, feel the real emotion, don’t overthink. If you let things flow, back and forth, try not to worry or question motives, new relationships can be built, current ones can improve and toxic ones can be removed. It’s a life worth living that belongs to you. Enjoy it for as long as you can…with love…

I’ve Seen Better Days…

These past few months have been days of experience and growth. If you are working hard, taking care of yourself – body, mind and spirit, making plans or just going with the flow, I am hoping there have been better days for you. Here’s what I’ve seen…

My daughter got married. It was both an honor and a privilege to be part of some of the best days of her life, which in turn were some of the best days of mine. It was an intimate occasion and the love of my daughter, her new husband and our melded families was true and real. The days and evenings that were spent relishing in family and fun were full of that love; it was in the air and in our hearts. I am grateful she has found the love she has desired and deserves. My new son-in-law got a pretty good deal too!

I travelled out of the country for the first time. The afore-mentioned wedding was in Playa Del Carmen. I have never seen sky or water so blue; sand so white and fine. I can’t wait to go back again. It was a magical experience those days on a vacation. It helped clear my mind and open my heart. I really can see a bit clearly now, the direction I want to head in. I will get there, patience and perseverance as my guides.

I turned 50. We had an evening of local celebration that happened to fall on my 50^th birthday. The friends and family that attended made this event special for me and my daughter. I realized again that evening that I am extremely lucky and grateful for every single person that is in my life. This particular day was a milestone, one that will be remembered for the rest of my days.

There have been some bad days too, we all have them. But when they are interspersed with days that make me smile when I think about them, that’s what gets me through. It's what I try to focus on.

I can't do anything about the days that don't end well or that are stressful. It's very hard for me and my personality type to accept that. It seems a bit easier to remember that I should concentrate on the good ones, get past the bad and move on. I used to ruminate about a bad day or things that are crappy at times. I really don't want to let that take me over any more. It's hard work NOT to, but very worth it.

Have YOU seen better days? Share your days with me…if you want to. Are there ways to get to them that feels right and easy? Life is way too short, we run out of time and we don’t even know it. Isn’t it a great idea to take good care of YOU and enjoy your days? Try it sometime. With love...

Mixed Signals

As I am getting older (and better,) changes are happening to me and my general well-being, both physically and mentally.  Some of these changes are purposeful in their direction and intent. Some are necessary to improve my health and my chances of living this life I cherish for as long as possible. Some are just those "circle of life" changes, age, growth of my children, the ones you can't control, like the seasons in a year. Time is marching on.

One of the most important changes has been in my communication thought process. I want to be clear and sincere; I want to "walk the walk." I want to make sure when I am communicating or expressing something, written or verbally, that there isn't a misunderstanding or a glitch in the message I am sending. It will still happen occasionally, but I am trying to be a bit more conscious of it.

This seems like a difficult process for some. There are those that are stuck in the past. Dwelling in a place where they were once a legend in their own mind. Back in the day, when they were young, invincible, daring, with that devil-may-care swagger. There is a perception among these folks that everyone else is stuck back there with them. Whether these are long-time relationships or people you have just met, they think they KNOW you. They haven't expanded their horizons, therefore, neither have you. They judge the actions and words of those around them based on that bygone era. What they remember about you or others is applied in the present, but based in the past.

There are also those that are always busy. Too busy to call, too busy to spend time, too busy to even communicate with you. Do they think they are the only ones who are busy? Do they think that we aren't ALL busy? You make time to spend time with those you want to; it goes both ways. If I have made plans with someone, once, twice, three times, or at least attempted to, and I'm not successful, I move on. There are those that enjoy spending time with me. Why would I continue to chase after someone who repeatedly sends me a message that they are too busy? I get it. It may take me a little longer, but I get it.

I wonder, sometimes, is it me? Is my quest for better communication between grown adults a dream? Are good, solid relationships, whether they are familial, friendly or romantic, unattainable? Or are they unattainable because those around me haven't embraced the growth process? They haven't been able to see the forest because they are stuck in the same old tree? Perhaps I am scaring those who love me with my current zealousness of the process? Then I remember, I am who I am, you are who you are. We most definitely, whether we choose it or not, are NOT who we were. We have grown up or are growing up, right?

Relationships should grow and become redefined. As they progress, the information exchanging should be clear and focused. If you have a question, ask it, if you have an answer, give it. If you want to be clear in a thought or purpose, say it. If you are having a conversation with someone you care about and who cares about you, there should be a comfort level. You should be able to say what's on your mind, freely and fearlessly. Even if it's a topic that might be uncomfortable or painful, isn't it better to get the message or lesson the first time? It's ok to debate; we aren't always going to agree. Healthy disagreements assist us in future discussions or decisions. Life is a learning process.

I guess the message that I am trying to convey here is, say what you mean and mean what you say. Mixed signals are confusing. I don't think it's fair to any of us to try to read into the words that are said. If we are clear in the interaction we have, there would be less confusion, less hurt, more understanding and better communication. It's time for us all to get the message...with love...

Mending Fences

I had dinner last night with a friend I hadn't spent time with in awhile. We had been really close when our boys were young, but as their relationship transformed, ours did too. During the time we have known each, some events occurred, things were said, feelings were hurt. I don't believe anything was done maliciously or intentionally, but it happened.

When I sat down to dinner, I felt like I had just put on a comfortable sweater or picked up a favorite book. I missed our conversations and time together very much. I felt like a fountain overflowing, I couldn't talk fast enough. I am certain that going forward, I will make more of an effort to spend time with her. It makes me feel good and we really understand each other. I am sorry for the time we lost.

Mending fences is a process that validates you and your personal feelings regarding relationships in your life. It helps you understand who and what is important. There are people and things that, in order to move forward, have to be let go, released. They may be toxic or detrimental to you and your future.

There are also people and things in your life that need to be embraced, appreciated, that have been lost or could be lost. It's time to examine what these are and act on it. During a conversation with my daughter, she said, "I hate the scorched earth." A perfect metaphor to heal and grow.

If it makes you feel good, do it. Call a friend, have dinner, a cocktail, a conversation. You might be surprised how happy you feel when you do. You might be missing something that you didn't realize was gone. You also will reaffirm or appreciate those in your life more...with love...

Dream A Little Dream

I have learned recently the true importance of sleep, rest and relaxation. Your heart and health can really suffer if you don't get these physical requirements. On average, we need a minimum of 7 hours of sleep at night. It depends on you and your personal schedule, of course, but a real effort to get some good rest 5-6 nights a week is vitally important.

Rest and relaxation don't necessarily come from sleeping. Reading, watching a movie, listening to music, speaking with friends, even exercise can assist you in restfulness and relaxing. Make a real effort to try one or several of these things to relax.

Mental rest and relaxation are important for your peace of mind and heart. Making plans for your future, setting goals, thinking about what is good in your life will put your worried or frazzled mind at ease. Thinking about what you want and how you can achieve it, making a mental list to follow through can give you hope. You may be lucky enough to feel peaceful and relaxed all the time; I believe that most of us aren't that lucky, especially with the circumstances in the world today.

Try it tonight. Take a warm shower, some deep breaths, relax, dream a little dream about you, about your future, about what you can release and what you can embrace. Your mind and body will rest, your heart and soul will be peaceful. Your dreams are possible, realize them...with love...

Fooling Yourself

Relationships are funny things. We depend on them for a number of reasons - friendship, love, business, family. They are all important reasons and relationships, but your contribution to them is also a big part of who you are.

I've adopted a "you get what you give," approach to the relationships in my life. There was a time where I tried to be all things to all people and the only thing that did was make me feel like a martyr. I had a self-perceived sense of devotion that wasn't really honest. I was fooling myself that I was being helpful; a dependable friend and loved one who went above and beyond. My new approach may seem a bit selfish; I call it self-preserving.
 
You can't manipulate or force relationships; they have to come naturally. They either progress and grow or become contrite and stagnant. In the love and friendship arena, when you work so hard to spend time with someone or get them to spend time with you, it feels a bit cloying and manipulative. It's like you assume the other person doesn't get what you are trying to do. When you have this type of relationship to best let things "come what may," even if it's nothing at all. You won't sacrifice too much of yourself or your heart. The relationships will be more honest and better for it in the end.

A friend and I were talking lately about the foundation building of a relationship. If it's not a strong foundation, the relationship won't have much of a leg to stand on. Take stock of the relationships that are important to you. Open your eyes and examine what kind of feelings they stir in you and what you bring to the table. You'll find the ones that "feed the need," in you. You will feel accomplished and satisfied...with love...





 

Forces Of Nature

Everything happens for a reason. The direction of our lives, the path we choose, the people we let in or out, the decisions we make, are all done with a sense of purpose.
 
There will be times where we will find success or accomplishment. There will also be times where we will fail. What's important is that you come away from incidents that make you particularly happy or sad, with an understanding.

The understanding is that every experience we have, especially the ones that stand out in our minds, are to teach us something. Try to figure out what the lesson is, absorb it and move on.

Make the effort to stay healthy, in mind and body. Focus on what you have, strengths and weaknesses, that contribute to your life and the lives of those around you. Be conscious of your actions and deeds; treat those around you as you would like to be treated.

The forces of nature, the higher power, whatever they may be, are at work. Pay attention, but follow along...with love...