Freewill…

We all have it; the choice or chance to make decisions for ourselves. They can be as simple as what to have for breakfast or as complicated as you make it. It’s up to you. That’s the beauty of freewill.

There are those of us who walk around feeling pretty lucky. We have people to see and places to go. We work through our troubles and relish in our accomplishments. We realize that our life is full of choices and while we don’t always make the best ones, the fact that we get to choose at all is appreciated. We get down in the dumps, have crappy days at work, fight with our families, have money troubles, but in the end, we accept and figure out how to work it out. We enjoy the company of people we love; we can depend on ourselves and those around us as we need to. It’s not always easy, but we are grateful to simply wake up each morning and have a new present.

There are also those of us who walk around feeling pretty low. They are feeling like they have been dealt a bad hand in the game of life. They place the blame on those around them and don’t take responsibility for their actions. Blame is always better to give than receive. They can’t see the forest for the trees. They ruminate about little problems or people who have “wronged” them. They don’t see the bigger picture; they are too busy bitching about the little things or worrying about things they can’t control. After a while, they get avoided, the people that love them give up, let them wallow. Perhaps that’s really how they want their life to be. I find that hard to believe, but suppose it’s possible.

It’s not the easiest thing to try to turn your outlook of life around. There again, that would be a choice. You take the opportunities that are put in front of you, bad and good, and then decide how to handle them. I think that you will find that after a while ruminating and aggravation will become gratitude and peace of mind. It will become a habit to decide to make a choice and move on. Your life just might get a little easier, a bit more pleasant; a lot more potential and better things will come to you.

Freewill is a part of your growth process. If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice, that’s a fact. Sitting by and letting life happen to you instead of being an active participant is not healthy. You can like the life you’re living or you can live the life you like. The choice is yours, are you making the right one? With love…

Rock And Roll…And The Radio…

I find music very therapeutic. It can lift your spirits, stir memories – both good and bad – mend fences, broken hearts or whatever else ails you. It can keep a good mood going, add life to a party or event, help you relax or wake your butt up. It can make you laugh, cry, dance, and sing at the top of your lungs or quietly, in your head, with a tiny grin or huge smile on your face. Come on, you know you do, sing that is, even if it’s in the shower. Everybody knows that’s where the best acoustics are, and of course you have your shampoo bottle that makes an excellent microphone!

I take the opportunity to listen to music as often as I possibly can. I make an effort to support local talent and go to live venues. There is nothing like listening to something new or familiar in a live setting. I really love driving in my car, windows down, radio on. I flip around between several different venues. I open my mind to new ideas in music. I have a few particular favorites, but have recently explored some types of music that I wouldn’t have thought I would enjoy. Have you listened to something new lately?

If I had to choose an order, I would say that the lyrics come first and foremost. In most cases, they tell a story or talk about a situation that is very personal or has personally affected the author. They can come from the heart, gut or a thought that passes through the brain. For some reason, it grabs at something to stir the pen to paper. Maybe the words are a concept or idea that hadn’t been thought of before. Whatever the reason, the words in songs are meant to be heard. There would be a lot of instances where the words can be made relatable to something in your own life. I am listening, are you?

The musicians, whoever they are, fascinate me. They have music in their heart and soul. They like to share. They get such pleasure from playing, writing and listening. It seems to come effortlessly and easy; comfortable. I’m certain that some have spent hours practicing to get it just right and others hear something and pick up their instrument and play. I’m happy when they share their talent in any instance. They have a gift and most don’t mind sharing. Have you spent some time with a musician lately – professional or personally? Try it, you’ll like it.

With all the ways that music is made available to us, there is no excuse to miss an opportunity to get some free therapy. Make an effort to consciously take a few minutes, put on some headphones; turn on the radio, CD, iPod, whatever, and take a deep breath. Get reacquainted with an old favorite or introduce yourself to something new. You’ll be amazed at the results. I’ve got the music in me, do you?…With love…

I Should Have Known…

Actions speak louder than words. This is a simple statement that is very true. You can talk, talk, explain, scream, whine, whisper, talk, yell, talk, shriek, and talk all you want, and about anything you want. If you don’t back up all that with what you actually do, you are wasting breath that you will need at the end of this life.

I am a talker, working on being a doer. I am a planner, self-prophesier that needs to be more grounded and in the moment. While it’s good that I have a vision, a path, a purpose, it’s becoming more apparent that it’s time to put up or shut up. Make the move while I have the chance. It’s time to do what I say I’m going to; time to release the fear and frustration.

I am aware that I need to pay more attention to the actions of myself and those in my life. I often depend that what is said in a conversation, discussion, argument, or fight, is what will happen or be resolved and is true. I wonder if my reaction or response is what causes the confusion or inaction? Is it something I said? Is it something I did? I have control of my word and deed; I have control of my reaction. Can I prompt or suggest an action with what I say? Of course I can, we all can and do.

Maybe I don’t listen closely enough? Perhaps I hear what I want to? Sometimes, to be certain, but most of the time I am listening and hearing. It might be that my brain hears what’s actually said, but my heart has a different interpretation or doesn’t listen at all. I think there are times that it hurts to hear the truth, however, honesty should be the best policy.

Mixed signals are something that I need to be aware of, both on the giving and receiving end. My interest or lack thereof, needs to be clear. I need to put my toe into the water to test before jumping in and getting soaked or nearly drowning. I’m writing in a metaphor, of course, but one that fits this subject appropriately. Have you ever felt that you are not listening or not being heard?

I should have known that I’ve been here before. I should have known that I don’t want it anymore. There are lessons in life that are worth repeating and there are those that shouldn’t be repeated. One thing is for certain, I will protect my heart, pride and strength with everything I’ve got. I will persevere and grow in this life, my life…Is it time for you to do the same?...With love…

You Are The Best Thing…

Ever feel like you sell yourself short? That you don’t see the potential or promise that you have on the path before you? Do you believe that you don’t have “what it takes” to offer another? If you answered “no” to these questions, that’s awesome. You already have a level of self-assurance that is very admirable and I’m hoping you are grateful. If you answered “yes,” it’s time to overcome the doubt; it’s time to embrace what some of those around you probably already know.

In someone’s life, you are the best thing that has ever come along. You are the “go-to” person, the one that can be counted on. Maybe they don’t get it yet or maybe you don’t get it yet. I’m fairly certain that there are hints or glimpses of a bond that is forming. Perhaps it’s fear that prevents the progress or the possibilities. It’s time to open your eyes, embrace the chance you have been given. It’s time to recognize that you didn’t even realize what you were looking for until it was right in front of you.

Take a good look at those closest to you. Have you told them lately that you love and appreciate them? Do they know that they can count on you, in good times and bad? Maybe you didn’t realize that you wanted to be “that” person to someone else? It’s not about material things or physical attributes; it’s about honesty and your true self. It’s about being able to enjoy your comforts and offer comfort to whoever you feel needs it. It’s about passion; feeling the burn, stoking the flames, grabbing the love where you find it. Don’t be afraid to speak your mind, take your chance, and say what’s in your heart. Whether it’s reciprocal or not, isn’t it better to let someone know how you feel, right out there on the table before it’s too late? Regret is a bitter pill to swallow, try to move forward without them.

Our hearts are kind and our hearts are strong. They expand to let people and love, in and out. Don’t let fear or uncertainty rule your path. Have faith in yourself; you are the best thing, believe THAT…With love…

I’ll Back You Up…

I joke with some of my friends, once in a while, about who I would call in the middle of the night if I needed bail money. If I was stranded somewhere and needed help, who would I reach out to? Are there people in my life that I can call on in a crunch? Are there people that would have a conversation or just listen without judgment or recrimination? Would they be there with a helping hand (or that bail money) just because I asked?

I am working on reclaiming my independence. My life was affected directly and harshly, early on in the economy tanking. Add to that my health issues and I was a sobbing, shaky mess every single day. I lamented and cried on the phone to my friends with the hope of find some solution. I was afraid, I was sick in body, mind and spirit. I was suspicious of everyone and everything. I didn’t feel like I could trust or count on anyone. I got the impression from those closest to me that they just couldn’t listen anymore.

I remember making the decision to pull in, not away. It was time to unburden my friends. It was time to distance myself from this self-pity wallowing that I had bought into. It was time to pull my big girl pants on and try to figure myself and my life out. No one was going to fix anything for me. I needed to weed out the garden of my life and get my act together. I want to live a full, productive life. I want to get past the crappy economy, get out of relationships that have gone stale and stagnant. I want to embrace new experiences, new things and rediscover the people in my life with whom I have a mutually satisfying relationship.

I also want those who love and who have stuck with me to know: I am grateful that you have my back. Through thick and thin, laughter and sobbing, you have listened and loved me. You have offered your opinions when I’ve asked and held back to let me figure things out on my own when I haven’t. You have gone on some of my new adventures and had fun with me. You would answer the phone call in the middle of the night for whatever reason. Of this I am certain and that makes me smile.

I also want them to know that I am there for them too, any time, any place if they need me. We may not see each other all the time, but when we do it’s like it was yesterday, comfortable, special and needed. No matter how busy our lives get, we somehow keep up, keep in touch. We don’t judge or criticize, we offer help and love. We listen and learn, we talk about anything and everything. I would figure out a way to get you that bail money! It doesn’t matter, whatever you do, do as you please, and I’ll back you up…With love…

Don’t Worry, Be Happy…

Wouldn’t it be great if it were that easy? An imaginary mental switch that we could flip and say, “Be gone, worry, out of my brain! It’s time to let happiness in!” Would it be great to have that switch? I’m not so sure. How would we learn? How would we grow?

I think we need to analyze, briefly, what it is we worry about. I think we can separate our concerns into two categories: things we can fix and things we can’t. Whether it’s related to us or our loved ones, physically, mentally or emotionally, would be subcategories. Can we change the world? Can we forget about our worries? Maybe it’s possible, a little at a time.

If you or someone you love is worried about something in particular, talk about it, briefly or at length, it doesn’t matter. Put it on the table; try to figure it out if you can. If you can’t maybe just saying it out loud will help you ease the mind.

You would be surprised what a calming voice, a concerned ear, a gentle hug, the reaching out of a strong hand can do to relieve something that’s bothering another. Or, maybe you wouldn’t be surprised. Maybe it’s because you have had that voice, or ear or hug or a hand that makes you feel better, stronger, and happier? Maybe it’s time to return the favor? Share information that you have, open the door to a conversation that will enlighten you. It might just relieve the worry from the person you are talking with; help them see a little light at the end of the tunnel. Make them a little, dare I say it, happier?

I don’t think that we can ever let go of worry. It’s going to affect us and just about every aspect of our lives. How we handle it is the key. In every life we have some trouble, worrying about it is probably making it bigger than it seems or needs to be. There are many of us that walk around with a smile on our face, working hard to hide the fear and worry that feels very strong at times. Sometimes we are successful, other times, not so much.

I’m not saying that you have to share everything with everybody. Or that you should never be worried. There are some things that are taken care of by good old fashioned solitude and figuring it out in your own head. Pulling back, not away is just fine. But if you get a sense that someone needs you, just for a little while, because they are worried or scared, be not afraid, reach out…With love…

Better Make It Through Today…

In my previous post I mentioned my tarot card reading. I realize that generalities can be applied to specifics in everything we do or say, coincidence or not. If we hear or see something we can make it “fit” to a situation or occurrence in our own lives.

One of the things we talked about was living for the moment. I should try to live for today instead of always planning or waiting for the future. That as long as I woke up in the morning, I had today, tomorrow is not guaranteed.  I’m working towards the understanding of this fact.

I have always been a planner, motivator, caretaker who works very hard to stay out of the way of pain or harm. I tried to protect myself and my children from meanness and hurtfulness. I sometimes think that I have done us all a bit of disservice; it’s not possible to have someone take care of you or protect you all the time. This is something that you need to learn on your own. If you don’t learn to deal with mean or unfriendly people, you can be easily taken advantage of. By the same principle, if you depend on others for your happiness, you are more likely to be really disappointed.

I have discovered that I don’t need to take care of anyone but myself and my kids. I don’t want or need someone to take care of me; I am stronger and more resilient than I believed. I am in a period of regrowth and it’s about time. I will continue to learn to count the blessings that I have and let tomorrow come, without worry or self-doubt. There are those who will be on this ride of life with me, I welcome them with open arms. There are those who won’t and it’s ok; we are on different paths.

Life is what you make it, good or bad. Whether you have many or few, people who love and care about you, who are real and honest, are the most valuable assets you have. The number doesn’t matter as long as you are aware of who you can count on and trust.

We have all had our share of troubles, everyone does. It’s better to make it through today, hope for tomorrow and live a life you like…With love…