Working On It

I spend about 15-20 minutes a day writing. It's like a form of therapy. I write in my journal, most often. It's where I emote, express, spew, ramble, rant, let go of some of the demons that bug me, and relish in the good things that surround me. It's cathartic, relaxing, freeing, and leaves me with a sense of peace, tempered with release.

I want to share some of the personal stories of my life when I blog. This is where it's getting tricky for me. We remember what we remember the way we remember it. Our memories and their interpretation or recall is as individual as we are. Sure, there are other people in our episodes or chapters of life but their recall of a moment can be as different as we are as people.

I have been working on a couple of posting since my last. They are specific to events or a series of events in my history. I worry as I'm writing them, how they will be interpreted; will they be disputed? I've been keeping in mind as I write that it's important that my recall or storytelling be about my thoughts, experiences, and how they relate to my life today.

So, I'm working on it. I'm hoping that it will be an interesting and delightful adventure. I appreciate those who read my blog, who listen to my rambling, who support me in my endeavors...with love...

Validation – It’s A Personal Thing

Our lives are our own. We work at educating ourselves, building and nurturing relationships, fitness of body, and peace of heart and mind. We have jobs both inside and outside the home. The level of fullness of life or hard work is entirely up to us as individuals. What drives us? What determines the amount of time and brain space we give one option over the other?

I believe that validation means a lot. I don’t necessarily mean a, “Hey, way to go!” from other people. I’m talking about that sense of satisfaction and well-being that comes from within. We do things for ourselves or other people to get that feeling of a job well done, no matter how big or small. The little twinkle that might appear in our eye, that small smile on our face, that feeling of overcoming a particular episode or bad incident relatively unscathed, are examples of a little “feel good” moment we are entitled to. We give these moments as a gift to ourselves, most of the time we don’t even know it.

It is a special thing when others recognize our talents or accomplishments. When your happiness or sadness is acknowledged and supported. Most of us don’t look for this from the people around us, but when it happens it’s generally unanticipated and greatly appreciated. We enjoy, whether secretly or not, that feeling of validation. We like to know that our efforts or actions mean something to somebody, sometimes.

On the opposite end, if our feelings are hurt for one reason or another, a simple gesture of kindness is extremely healing. An offer of real sympathy or sincerity is huge. I try not to consciously hurt the feelings of those in my life, but sometimes it happens. I am working harder to recognize when it does and what I can do about it. A genuine apology or acceptance of a mistake can work wonders for you and for the person who has been hurt. Time does heal wounds, not all of them, but some of them. Reconnecting after a passage of time can help to forgive. I’m not really sure that it’s possible to ever forget.

We are self-soothers; we get hurt by some who have no idea or don’t care. We need to get over those instances ourselves and it’s a learning process. In reality, no one has control over your thoughts and feelings except you. No one can “make” you feel or do anything you don’t want to; choices are up to each of us.

The level of validation that we require is as unique and individual as each of us. We appreciate knowing that we aren’t a second thought that runs across the minds of those we care about. Remember to acknowledge or recognize the actions and accomplishments of those that we welcome into our lives. It will offer a sense of peace of mind and heart to you both…with love…

A Willing Spirit

We are probably all familiar with the old saying that begins with, “The spirit is willing…” I wasn’t really interested in the second part of the saying because, let’s face it, we all have some weakness of the body. I was more interested in our willing spirit.

Some days we have more strength and determination then others. We wake up; hit the ground running, positive, busy, and relatively happy. On other days, we wake up tired, cranky, irritated, and slow moving. It doesn’t mean that our spirit isn’t willing. It’s always there and willing to do what we want to.

We make sacrifices for ourselves and our loved ones. We work toward goals and enjoy our accomplishments. It’s relatively simple; we have the right to choose what we do, when we want to. It’s important that you do whatever strikes your fancy, as long as you aren’t hurting anyone in the process.

I was watching an old episode of “Friends” the other day. I can watch an episode over and over again; those crazy kids at the coffee house are amusing to me. This one in particular was about a book the girls were reading about other people, “stealing their wind.” I interpreted this as wind = power of spirit.  In the end, they discovered that they were the mistresses of their own destiny; no one can take your wind.

Who has the power of you and your spirit? You do. You have the gift of a willing spirit and the direction you take is completely up to you. You might have to shift direction depending on life and living, but which way you go is your choice. It’s OK to put the focus on you and your life.

If you aren’t happy with your choices, if you aren’t willing to make the ones that are right for you, you are sacrificing a part of yourself that you cannot afford to lose. Use your spirit wisely, it’s part of your core and should be cherished and protected…with love…

Fight Or Flight – That IS The Question

For those who are diagnosed with panic and anxiety disorder, this is a question or term that I am sure that you are familiar with. When you are about to have a full-blown panic attack, everything in your mind and body has the urge to run as fast as you possibly can away from the certain danger that is upon you. In most cases, the danger is perceived, but when you are “in the moment,” there is nothing that will convince you that something terrible isn’t about to happen.

I became familiar with this disorder 15 years ago. There was a trigger; I lost my best friend to cancer. This was my first “peer” death experience, way too soon, way too young. How could this be? Why did this happen? Most importantly, why didn’t I stop it? Yes, I really believed that I had the power to prevent this from happening to her. I believed that I didn’t do enough; I wasn’t a good enough friend – what the hell was wrong with me?

Then it started; numerous trips to the emergency room with stuff that was happening to me – stroke, heart attack, you name it, I had to have it. On one trip, I felt a tingling that started at the top of my head and was traveling slowly down my face. I was certain that my face was becoming paralyzed. I was convinced that I was not going to make it to the hospital in time, to tell someone what was happening so that they could save me. Surprisingly, to me anyway, when they did all the tests, they came back normal. When they gave me a shot of Valium or Ativan, the terror was gone. It was suggested to me just about every time, that I should seek counseling for panic, anxiety and depression. Perhaps some medication for this was in order. What? No way, I was too smart for that! They HAD to be missing something; I was being treated by a bunch of quacks!

After thousands of dollars in hospital tests, for just about every possible affliction known to the medical community, I faced the facts. I was carrying around a lot of baggage and it was time to let it go, if I could. I couldn’t run away from my problems, especially the loss that I was feeling. I had to face my fears; running wasn’t an option any longer. There was nowhere to run. It was the fear of losing my own life that taught me to fight for it, rather than run. I found myself a therapist, took some medication, and learned proper breathing techniques to make sure there is plenty of oxygen in my blood stream. These are the steps that I use to deal with episodes of panic and anxiety. It's not easy, but easier.

My life is a constant learning experience to teach me the importance of why I’m here. Things haven’t been easy; there have been losses and lessons that have been difficult to learn. But they have been tempered with such growth and happiness that I realize should be at the forefront. It’s taken some time, but I am getting it.

Living should be celebrated. There are times that are hard and times that are truly wonderful.  I believe that there have been instances where the hardships have been self-inflicted and it’s time to stop. It’s important to take care of your mental health, as well as your physical health. Choose your battles wisely; you and your life are always worth it…with love…

Give Yourself A Break

The process of daily living is a challenge, both positively and negatively.  We go about our business with specific intent or on auto-pilot, depending on the day. I think that most of us have a mental agenda that we work to follow, that can be either long or short, depending on the day. The agenda can have lots of bullet points on it or none at all, just random little blips that pass through the brain to remind us of our “stuff.” Some days, the flow is free and easy; others are overwhelming and stressful.

What happens if you don’t complete everything on your mental agenda? I mean, what REALLY happens? In my world, what happens is that I tend to beat myself up, especially when I put too much on my personal plate. I get frustrated that I don’t get everything done; it has an effect on every sense of my being, mentally and physically. Will the world end? NO! Can problems be solved, appointments rescheduled, plans changed? Of course they can! Will feelings get hurt, people disappointed? Sure, but if our relationships are built on love, strength, trust, and understanding, these will be mended too. Stuff  happens, that’s the fact, it’s hard for some of us to accept, but in the end, we do. It time for me to stop the mental beatdown.

I’m working on giving myself a break; let myself off the proverbial hook. I’m trying to not put so much on my plate that I can’t get what I really want to accomplished. It’s time to take things one at a time and enjoy the life I am grateful to be living. The fact that I wake up in the morning is a step in the right direction; I need to be thankful and move on. Things will get done, all in good and appropriate time.

Give yourself a break. I think that you’ll find that your tasks will get done; your blips will be taken care of either by you or on their own. Try to live with a little less pressure and a little more peace of mind and heart. It’s what you really deserve…with love…

A Day Of Rest

I have relished the time I have spent writing since the new year began. Whether I am posting in my blog or writing in my journal, it has offered a personal detour on my life journey.

Mending fences, opening lines of communication, taking care of myself are goals that I have set going forward. I have every confidence that I will accomplish them.

I am going to start writing stories of my life experiences, interspersed with postings of health and well-being. I think this will lend some insight to who I am, how I got to be where I'm at, and remind me of lessons learned.

For today though, a brief posting. A little taste of things to come. Try to rest and relax today, you deserve it...with love.

Making The Effort

There are days, albeit few and far between, that I do what I feel like. Sleep late, stay in my jams, watch TV or movies, eat whatever strikes my fancy, take naps, paint my nails, read, have some wine, no phone calls, don't leave the house, just spend the entire day chilling out. It's a day with no pressure, flying by the seat of my pants, so to speak. I make the effort to have these days every once in a while. They restart my engine, a "me" day to regroup. I have a busy life that I love and appreciate, but a chill day is just what the doctor ordered, Doctor Jude, that is!

I have a great job. I'm not just saying that I have a great job; I understand completely that I am lucky to have a job in this economy. I work in a field that I find interesting - publishing, and every day is a learning experience. I am a customer care manager with a team of employees that are hard-working and dedicated. The co-workers outside my department are intelligent, talented people who work well with each other. I make the effort to assist every customer in a positive, proactive manner and expect my team to do the same. In addition to earning my paycheck, I am in a primarily positive position that takes effort to maintain. It's worth it.

I have wonderful people in my life. We talk on the phone, chat on Facebook, send e-mails, get together for a meal or night out, whatever it takes to maintain our relationship. It takes effort to make that call, click the "like" button and comment, send the e-mails, make the plans. There are those that profess loneliness, boredom or stagnation. It's time to make the effort to snap out of it, reach out, make a plan, talk about it. Do something if you are indeed frustrated, bored or lonely; no one can do it for you. You'd probably be surprised at the results.

There are friends of mine that are dedicated to causes with a passion and determination that I admire. They work hard to assist those who don't have the power to do it for themselves. They make a tremendous effort to change wrongs to rights for what they believe in.

It's time to make more of an effort for what YOU want or believe in. I know that we are all working hard to direct our lives in a way that is good for us. I am also aware that we make effort to do things for ourselves and others all the time. Maybe it's time to step it up a bit, if you want to. You have the power to make the time, to strengthen the relationships, to continue to build a life that is good for you. You could be perfectly content with your life or situation as you are right now - that's a great accomplishment.

I am optimistic that my efforts will make me stronger, assist the growth and nurturing of my relationships, and increase my desire for peace of mind and heart. Making the effort - what a concept...with love...