Monday, March 21, 2011

What Goes Around…

...comes around.  I have been rolling it around in my head for awhile. It’s a phrase that has been used in a few conversations I have had recently.  I realized that it’s necessary for me to pay closer attention to this statement and its meaning.

What Goes Around Comes Around. It seemed like this phrase had been used frequently when people feel that they have been “done wrong.” Someone may have hurt or maligned you in any number of ways and this statement came to your mind, like a “payback.” Did you really wish the pain you are feeling – intentionally or unintentionally – on the person who had caused you pain? I have wondered how often this thought came to your mind when something good happened for you.  Something told me, based on my recent experience, not too often.

When you have been hurt by someone or something in your life, the most important healing needs to come from within you. If this phrase is to be taken literally, any bad or payback thoughts could come back to you tenfold. Conversely, if you have this thought when something good happens for you, the same could happen. Isn’t it better to think that, if it’s true, you would be happier having good things come around for you more often?

Do Unto Others. When you do something for a friend or loved one in your life, you should do it because you want to. It is difficult for me, at times, not to expect something in return. I try not to live by a “one hand washes the other,” mentality, but it’s very hard. I want to “save” a lot of people. Who do I think I am? I don’t have that capability or power! I think this type of behavior comes from early on in my life. I didn’t feel protected or secure in my younger years, so I want to be sure that no one else feels that way now. I am working on showing more empathy, but not taking on the problems of others.

It is important to treat people how you want to be treated. It’s not always going to turn out in your favor. Be kind, listen to your loved ones, really HEAR what they are saying or feeling. I don’t think we mean to intentionally hurt the feelings of others; it happens. I would like to believe that we aren’t walking around being purposefully cruel or mean, but it does feel that way sometimes.

If someone says, “You hurt my feelings when (fill in the blank),” they are looking for validation from you.  Not necessarily an explanation of why or a statement in your defense, just validation. Here are two types of acknowledgments to that statement: “I’m sorry that your feelings were hurt.” Or “I’m sorry that I hurt your feelings.” Can you see the difference? If someone has worked up the courage (and it can be very hard,) to call you out on how they have been treated by you, it is your job to listen and respond. This can definitely be their perception of an issue or incident and you might not agree. But in this conversation, we aren’t talking about you; we are talking about the other person. Say that you are sorry. That’s all. Sometimes, you will be on the receiving end. If someone has hurt you, let them know, especially if it is difficult for you to let it go. If you don’t, this could irreparably damage your relationship. You want to encourage the growth and nurturing process.

Let’s hope that by treating others as you would like to be treated, many good things will come around for you. Open your mind and your heart...your spirit free and unencumbered…it will keep you and your life focused and filled…with love.

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