Monday, April 16, 2012

Fooling Yourself

Relationships are funny things. We depend on them for a number of reasons - friendship, love, business, family. They are all important reasons and relationships, but your contribution to them is also a big part of who you are.

I've adopted a "you get what you give," approach to the relationships in my life. There was a time where I tried to be all things to all people and the only thing that did was make me feel like a martyr. I had a self-perceived sense of devotion that wasn't really honest. I was fooling myself that I was being helpful; a dependable friend and loved one who went above and beyond. My new approach may seem a bit selfish; I call it self-preserving.
You can't manipulate or force relationships; they have to come naturally. They either progress and grow or become contrite and stagnant. In the love and friendship arena, when you work so hard to spend time with someone or get them to spend time with you, it feels a bit cloying and manipulative. It's like you assume the other person doesn't get what you are trying to do. When you have this type of relationship to best let things "come what may," even if it's nothing at all. You won't sacrifice too much of yourself or your heart. The relationships will be more honest and better for it in the end.

A friend and I were talking lately about the foundation building of a relationship. If it's not a strong foundation, the relationship won't have much of a leg to stand on. Take stock of the relationships that are important to you. Open your eyes and examine what kind of feelings they stir in you and what you bring to the table. You'll find the ones that "feed the need," in you. You will feel accomplished and satisfied...with love...


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