Monday, February 21, 2011

How Can You Mend…?

…broken hearts…a fractured relationship…a breach of trust…a bad internet connection? These are a few of the things on my mind lately. I am hoping to share and perhaps get some feedback from my followers…open a discussion about the topics. Any suggestions, comments or questions are welcome.

A broken heart. I have told my story on previous postings, so I won't belabor those incidents again. But I will reiterate a few points. I felt like I was given another chance at life. I took stock of the people and situations that I allowed into my life and made some major decisions. Live life on my terms, live life healthier and stronger, pull in – not away, from those who I allowed to pressure or depend on me too much or too often. I have been very successful at these changes and continue to make progress. So when the anniversary of these events approached, I was excited. This was great. I made so many positive changes in a year. I feel much better about the decisions that I am making, the people that I spend time with and the appreciation that I have for life and the people in it.

On the morning of February 17, 2011, I woke up in such a funk! I have worked hard to understand that while this was a serious, life-altering event; I persevered, concentrated on the positive. I did not want to be a victim. It hit me like a ton of bricks. How lucky I am to be alive. I am a woman living with CAD; my heart will never be the same. Instead of feeling exuberant, I was scared and sad. It frightened me, the fear and the sadness. I spent some time over the next couple of days for me, reaffirming my plans, reminding myself that I am worthy of a good and positive life, that I deserve everything that I am working for and more. My heart is not broken; but mended. It's full of a lot of love to share.
A fractured relationship. Whether it's a romantic relationship or a friendship, fractures happen in the foundation. This is especially true for relationships that are long-term. It's a natural occurrence because of the weight of time and events that are carried by the relationship. People grow and change at different paces. Needs and wants become diversified and more complex. What happens when you try to communicate these changes to the other person? What happens when they try to communicate with you? What happens when you try to communicate these changes over and over again, but they fall on deaf ears? Are you really listening when they are communicating to you? I am most definitely looking for some information here, for the way people are.

It has come to my attention recently that actions really DO speak louder than words. Some fractures continue to become larger and larger over time. If nothing is done, the relationship crumbles. Is it possible to rebuild? I used to have more faith that it could be. Lately? Not so much. You can't heal a wound that needs stitches with a band-aid. You can't continue to put little patches on the foundation of a relationship and hope that they hold. Either you work, really work to repair what is broken or you let it go. Letting go seems like it should be easier. I can tell you from personal experience…it is not, but it's probably what is better in the long run.

A breach of trust. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone. There is not a person on this earth that doesn't make one every single day of their lives. They are simple or complex, you may not think of it as a mistake, but rest assured, someone else will. Sometimes, a mistake can be made and you aren't even aware that you made one. You crossed that imaginary line that we all know is there, the line of trust. There are those that cross that line purposefully, with determination and diligence, a kind of illicit thrill ride. There are those that cross hesitantly, cautious and afraid of getting caught. Where that line is located is the question. Each person has that line in different location. I know where I have drawn my line of trust and work hard not to cross it.

I have always thought of myself as a trustworthy person, there for those in my life who need me. I don't like to be judgmental or cruel. If I give you my word or make a promise, I will keep it, whenever humanly possible. I don't like truth-stretchers; I don't consider myself one. I don't want to be accusatory or be accused. I don't like when people say "You make me (fill in the blank!)" I can't make anyone do anything; I don't have that kind of power. No one can make me do anything either, I won't let them have that power. Either you trust me or you don't…that choice is up to you.

My bad internet connection. Well, another, very pleasant technician came out today and assured me that my internet will be as right as rain…we'll see.

A physically broken heart, a fractured relationship or a breach of trust. These are a few of the things that can cause an emotionally damaged or broken heart. The pain of this broken heart can be devastating, but not permanent. Work on what is important to you in your life. You can have good, strong relationships that include trust and caring, protected hearts. Be mindful of your health – physically and mentally, work on your relationships with others and be trustworthy…it will give you a heart…that's always filled…with love.

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