Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Swinging Both Ways

That’s a pretty provocative title, right? If you’re thinking that I have decided to share my walks on the wild side, you should probably stop reading now.  Today I will be talking about MOODS.

I have mentioned before that my life right now is very challenging. I’m sure if I gauged it against those around me, I would see differences and similarities in the challenges, but stressful situations just the same. I have the gift of life and loved ones every day that I wake up; for this I am grateful. Some days, it just isn’t enough.

There are days when I can’t slog through the quicksand that seems to hold me down or back from my desires and accomplishments. I wake up thinking that I have a choice – good mood or bad mood today? Of course, I always try to be positive and think, “Good mood!” I can tell you, the days that thought process works are great. There are days when that doesn’t work at all; days where I feel desperate, dismal and depressed.

How can I turn things around? How can I make things better? How can I help those around me make things better? Is there anything I can do? Why can’t I let things go, roll off my back? Just reading over the litany of questions is exhausting; it’s no wonder that I am physically exhausted too! It’s the spinning brain that is driving the train on these days. I feel like I just can’t do it anymore. “It” represents worry, sadness, dissatisfaction and fear to me.

There are days when I realize that there are things that I can change and things I can’t. I CAN’T? What do you mean, I can’t? That’s not in my vocabulary! Then I stop and think, “Who do you think you are, the Queen of the Universe?” Just thinking about that process going through my brain makes me laugh out loud. I’m NOT the Queen; the world doesn’t revolve around me. I feel the need to believe that things happen for a reason. It’s trying to figure out the reason, instead of letting it come to me, peacefully, that makes for hard work.

Challenges are here to make my life worth living, to teach me to be a better person, to appreciate the things I have. I remember that I am grateful every day that I’m alive. I take a deep breath and move along, one foot in front of the other, in a forward motion. Staying in the same place for too long can also seem like moving backwards. The familiar may be comforting, but it can also feel stifling.

I seem to swing from one mood to the next; day by day. There are days that I feel really good, like life is going the way that is best for me, physically and mentally. There are also days that I feel really bad, like the string is stretched to breaking and that something has to give. There are many circumstances that come into play; some are complicated at times. Some are as simple as whether the sun is shining or not.

I am working on a couple of lengthy projects; writing what I hope will be challenging and inspiring. Good mood or bad mood, I am grateful for those who love me and that I love back. My friends and family who share their time with me to listen and be heard are extremely important to me.

I appreciate my life and my loved ones every single day, I’m not sure what I would do or where I would be without them. Today is Valentine’s Day. Share a hug or a kiss with someone who makes you happy. Enjoy the day; I hope it’s a good one and that it’s filled…with love…

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