I Kicked The Habit. The habit of always seeing things in the "dark." The self-pity wallowing that could have taken over my entire life. There are days where I will have a really good, 10 minute, ugly, sniffling, snuffling sob fest. I get it over with and move on as best I can. Today, I am angry. I am angry at the pain and suffering that good people have to go through. I am angry at different diseases like heart disease, Hashimoto's disease, neuromuscular diseases and the big daddy of them all, cancer. I wish I could take care of everyone, but I can't. That's another habit I have to kick. Not so easy. I will get over this anger, I will. But today, just for a little while, I'm going to be angry, especially at cancer and its effect on those that I care about.
I Shed My Skin. I am who I am. I am beautiful inside and out. We all are. There are some of us who have ugly in them and I feel bad for those folks. I am hoping that it doesn't take a tragedy or a serious downfall for them to learn the lessons of faith and beauty in your fellow man or woman, whatever the case may be. It's really what's inside that counts. If there are those who still judge a book by its cover, they are probably very lonely and small on the inside. Here's hoping for their growth.
This Is The New Stuff. There are those that I have known for a long time that are probably skeptical of the changes I am making. They actually ridicule my writing and talk of love, or don't bother to read at all. I believe it's fear of change; too bad for them. I love different people for different reasons. They feed a number of needs inside of me. There are relationships that I am having to back away from, which makes me sad. But how many times can your feelings get hurt because people are too busy or don't have time to contact you or can't keep up with everything - but only when it comes to their relationship with you? Quantity doesn't always equal quality. Just because you have had someone in your life for most of it, doesn't mean they get continue to be a part of it if they hurt you. Especially when there are those who want to spend time with me and understand the life I am embracing.
I'm Gonna Build That Power. The power of positive thinking. The power of life with more optimism. The power of a healthier, prosperous future. The power of waking up each day. It's better to build on that power than to worry about what I can't control.
I Go Dancing In. Into my future, where I am surrounded by friendship and love that's overflowing. Where bad things happen to good people and they survive. Where communication is important to help us grow and learn. Into a life that I am building on a solid foundation. There is a light at the end of this long, dark tunnel that I have traveled through. It's bright and beautiful, and there to remind me that I have a gift of this life. I'm going to live it to the fullest. With love...
Friday, February 15, 2013
Friday, February 1, 2013
I've Got This Friend
I've got this friend. She's hardworking, loyal and dependable. She has a big heart and is very giving. She takes on the problems of the world in stride, with only minor mishaps at times. She loves to talk and listen too. She'll hold your hand, give you a hug or slap you upside the head, separately or all at the same time, if necessary. She is living her life the best that she can.
I've got this friend. She's scared of the world. She puts on a brave face, she swears a lot, demands a lot of attention, says things for shock value that can be off-puting instead of relaxing in a social situation. She doesn't keep or sustain many relationships, seemingly only the ones she might need in the future. She demands loyalty, but offers none. She's looking for something in all the wrong places. She is living her life the best that she can.
I've got this friend. He's a loner. He's not very social, but very smart. He has spent a lot of time and thought on regrets. He starting to realize that alone means lonely. He's coming out into the world and releasing the fear that had him hiding in a shell. He's funny, talented and worth more to others than he realizes. He is living his life the best that he can.
I've got this friend. She's scrappy. She takes up the causes of those who can't speak or fight for themselves. She is a toughie with a marshmallow center. She says that she does just fine on her own. She can be either your biggest champion or your worst enemy. She cuts people out before she realizes that she might really need them, or how much they need her. She will help you in your time of need, like burying the body of someone who hurts you. She is living her life the best that she can.
I've got this friend. He's a working man. He just wants to get up and go to work every day. His world around him has been crumbling for a while and he's starting to pay attention, hoping it's not too late. He doesn't make many friends and he really doesn't mind that. He isn't sure how to take care of things on his own. Communication is difficult for him, but he tries. He is learning the hard way to stand on his own two feet. He is living his life the best that he can.
I've got this friend. She hates change. Whether it's in her life or the lives of those around her, it makes her skittish. She is extremely intelligent, social and loves those in her life fiercely. New friendships are frightening and don't interest her at all. Old friendships are loving, sustained and comfortable. You can speak your mind and hear hers too, without any repercussion. She has an old soul. There's been some shakeups recently but she is trying to roll through the changes with grace and strength. She is living her life the best that she can.
Just so you know, I'm certain I will have friends reading my blog who will try to figure out which friend THEY are. These friends I am referring to are truthfully no one in particular, but a composite of those in my life whom I love.
The point of this entry is that we all are living our lives the best we can. Whether there are good things or bad things going on in your life right now, it's helpful to know that you have a variety of friends with strengths and attributes that can help you on your journey. With love...
I've got this friend. She's scared of the world. She puts on a brave face, she swears a lot, demands a lot of attention, says things for shock value that can be off-puting instead of relaxing in a social situation. She doesn't keep or sustain many relationships, seemingly only the ones she might need in the future. She demands loyalty, but offers none. She's looking for something in all the wrong places. She is living her life the best that she can.
I've got this friend. He's a loner. He's not very social, but very smart. He has spent a lot of time and thought on regrets. He starting to realize that alone means lonely. He's coming out into the world and releasing the fear that had him hiding in a shell. He's funny, talented and worth more to others than he realizes. He is living his life the best that he can.
I've got this friend. She's scrappy. She takes up the causes of those who can't speak or fight for themselves. She is a toughie with a marshmallow center. She says that she does just fine on her own. She can be either your biggest champion or your worst enemy. She cuts people out before she realizes that she might really need them, or how much they need her. She will help you in your time of need, like burying the body of someone who hurts you. She is living her life the best that she can.
I've got this friend. He's a working man. He just wants to get up and go to work every day. His world around him has been crumbling for a while and he's starting to pay attention, hoping it's not too late. He doesn't make many friends and he really doesn't mind that. He isn't sure how to take care of things on his own. Communication is difficult for him, but he tries. He is learning the hard way to stand on his own two feet. He is living his life the best that he can.
I've got this friend. She hates change. Whether it's in her life or the lives of those around her, it makes her skittish. She is extremely intelligent, social and loves those in her life fiercely. New friendships are frightening and don't interest her at all. Old friendships are loving, sustained and comfortable. You can speak your mind and hear hers too, without any repercussion. She has an old soul. There's been some shakeups recently but she is trying to roll through the changes with grace and strength. She is living her life the best that she can.
Just so you know, I'm certain I will have friends reading my blog who will try to figure out which friend THEY are. These friends I am referring to are truthfully no one in particular, but a composite of those in my life whom I love.
The point of this entry is that we all are living our lives the best we can. Whether there are good things or bad things going on in your life right now, it's helpful to know that you have a variety of friends with strengths and attributes that can help you on your journey. With love...
Thursday, January 17, 2013
The Pretender
2013 has blown in with its challenges, same as always. Maybe not the same challenges, per se, but with a whole set of new ones to face, head on, moving forward.
Did I expect things to be different? To be easier? To be gifted with a "clean" slate. Not really, but I hoped that life in general would take things a bit more gently with me and those around me that I love and care about. So far? Not so much.
It takes a very conscious effort to work through each day, no matter what happens, with a positive attitude and outlook. Some days it's definitely easier; I adopt a "devil may care" attitude. That doesn't mean that I don't care, it just means that I can't solve every problem or situation that comes my way and I accept that, albeit kicking and screaming.
Some days it's almost impossible; I feel a great amount of sadness and despair. For things that have happened, for decisions that I should have made, yada, yada, yada, blah, blah, blah! I say almost impossible because it's not the whole day. It's part of the day where I may rant and rave like a total lunatic, either out loud or in my head. It's part of the day that I might cry like a baby, with or without the lunacy.
After that part is over, with a sweaty brow and/or red eyes, I push through. I put a smile on my face or I just get quiet and move along. I will put some music on, depending on my mood, and just listen and breathe. I work it out.
Whether I am posting on Facebook, writing my blog, composing an e-mail or even sending a text, I try to be truthful and compassionate, even when I'm crabby. I am not a pretender, I'm just someone who hopes that if I can help myself with the words that I write, they might make a difference to those who read them. We can identify with each other. Maybe share a laugh or a smile. I see the good. I want the good for myself and everyone around me.
A smile can be hiding a whole load of problems that don't necessarily have to be shared, and that's OK. We are very different from each other, but share similiarities. We need to be nicer to each other. We don't know what's happening in the lives of those we care about all the time. We are all working on just living each day with a sense of gratitude and survival.
I am unique, not like the others. I will never surrender; that means giving up and that's not happening. We help each other or at least we should, to grow, to learn, to enjoy and LIVE this life that is so short. They say you only live once, don't you think we should do our best to make it count? With love...
Did I expect things to be different? To be easier? To be gifted with a "clean" slate. Not really, but I hoped that life in general would take things a bit more gently with me and those around me that I love and care about. So far? Not so much.
It takes a very conscious effort to work through each day, no matter what happens, with a positive attitude and outlook. Some days it's definitely easier; I adopt a "devil may care" attitude. That doesn't mean that I don't care, it just means that I can't solve every problem or situation that comes my way and I accept that, albeit kicking and screaming.
Some days it's almost impossible; I feel a great amount of sadness and despair. For things that have happened, for decisions that I should have made, yada, yada, yada, blah, blah, blah! I say almost impossible because it's not the whole day. It's part of the day where I may rant and rave like a total lunatic, either out loud or in my head. It's part of the day that I might cry like a baby, with or without the lunacy.
After that part is over, with a sweaty brow and/or red eyes, I push through. I put a smile on my face or I just get quiet and move along. I will put some music on, depending on my mood, and just listen and breathe. I work it out.
Whether I am posting on Facebook, writing my blog, composing an e-mail or even sending a text, I try to be truthful and compassionate, even when I'm crabby. I am not a pretender, I'm just someone who hopes that if I can help myself with the words that I write, they might make a difference to those who read them. We can identify with each other. Maybe share a laugh or a smile. I see the good. I want the good for myself and everyone around me.
A smile can be hiding a whole load of problems that don't necessarily have to be shared, and that's OK. We are very different from each other, but share similiarities. We need to be nicer to each other. We don't know what's happening in the lives of those we care about all the time. We are all working on just living each day with a sense of gratitude and survival.
I am unique, not like the others. I will never surrender; that means giving up and that's not happening. We help each other or at least we should, to grow, to learn, to enjoy and LIVE this life that is so short. They say you only live once, don't you think we should do our best to make it count? With love...
Thursday, January 3, 2013
A Whole New World
Happy 2013! It's a brand new year and a fresh start or restart for us all. I hope that 2013 has been a bit kinder to you so far and that any resolutions you have decided to make aren't too harsh. It's early yet.
I myself have decided to take a 30-day challenge and go gluten free. I have been doing some research, along with the advice of my brilliant daughter, and found that there are some benefits of doing this that will help all that ails me.
It's not been as difficult as I thought it would be. There are many products and resources out there now, it's been relatively easy, so far. I'm trying new vegetables and ways to cook them. It should clear up some of the symptoms of my various problems/diseases and help me feel even better.
It's a simple change that can't hurt me; have you decided to make a simple change in the new year? I would like to say that if you smoke cigarettes, you should really try to quit. It damages so many things in your beautiful body and snuffs out oxygen that should be pumping through your blood stream. I know it's not easy; I struggle with it to this day. However, it's probably the best thing you could do for your health and well-being.
Simple changes mean a lot more than you think they do. Exercise your body and your brain. Experience and embrace this opportunity that you have been given in the form of a new year to step in the right direction. That would be whatever direction you choose and that makes you happy and content. A little knowledge can open a whole new world of information that you never knew you were missing. Free your mind, the rest will follow...With love...
I myself have decided to take a 30-day challenge and go gluten free. I have been doing some research, along with the advice of my brilliant daughter, and found that there are some benefits of doing this that will help all that ails me.
It's not been as difficult as I thought it would be. There are many products and resources out there now, it's been relatively easy, so far. I'm trying new vegetables and ways to cook them. It should clear up some of the symptoms of my various problems/diseases and help me feel even better.
It's a simple change that can't hurt me; have you decided to make a simple change in the new year? I would like to say that if you smoke cigarettes, you should really try to quit. It damages so many things in your beautiful body and snuffs out oxygen that should be pumping through your blood stream. I know it's not easy; I struggle with it to this day. However, it's probably the best thing you could do for your health and well-being.
Simple changes mean a lot more than you think they do. Exercise your body and your brain. Experience and embrace this opportunity that you have been given in the form of a new year to step in the right direction. That would be whatever direction you choose and that makes you happy and content. A little knowledge can open a whole new world of information that you never knew you were missing. Free your mind, the rest will follow...With love...
Monday, December 31, 2012
On This Journey Together
It's been awhile since I have posted an entry. The last couple of months have been hectic and busy. I have lots of news to share and will be doing so in the new year.
For now, I am writing to say that as we get ready to begin 2013, don't get bogged down with resolutions aka "rules" that will be impossible or difficult to follow. You would be setting yourself up for failure and that's never a good thing!
Embark on this new year as a clean slate, a new beginning, a chance to start fresh, like pushing a reset button. Make one simple change that will make you happy and/or healthier going forward. Take it easy on yourself; there's only one you and it's important to make sure that you take good of YOU.
I wish you and your loved ones peace and happiness in 2013. Whether you are celebrating with a big bang or have a quiet evening planned, be safe and sound. We have a long journey ahead, let's enjoy the ride...With love...
For now, I am writing to say that as we get ready to begin 2013, don't get bogged down with resolutions aka "rules" that will be impossible or difficult to follow. You would be setting yourself up for failure and that's never a good thing!
Embark on this new year as a clean slate, a new beginning, a chance to start fresh, like pushing a reset button. Make one simple change that will make you happy and/or healthier going forward. Take it easy on yourself; there's only one you and it's important to make sure that you take good of YOU.
I wish you and your loved ones peace and happiness in 2013. Whether you are celebrating with a big bang or have a quiet evening planned, be safe and sound. We have a long journey ahead, let's enjoy the ride...With love...
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
I Will Wait…
I have been on a journey. It’s a journey that has been 50+ years in the making. I’ve had some real ups and downs. It feels like I have been on a wild roller coaster and a heck of ride.
My childhood, as I expressed in previous postings, was not the world of The Cleavers; I don’t think that anyone’s was. My family did the best they could and for that I’m grateful. Different members of my family have taught me a plethora of lessons; how to make friends, how to be strong, how to protect myself and how to love.
My teenage years were spent with a group of friends, some of whom I am still friends with to this day. We watched out for each other and spent a lot of time together. We learned how to depend on each other and to be depended on. Some have been lost; some just drifted away, others I couldn’t imagine my life without.
My young adult years were spent as a wife and mom. I got married and had my daughter while I was very young. I had a picture in my head of what I wanted my own family to be like. I worked hard and managed our family pretty well. We didn’t have everything we wanted, but we had what we needed. I wanted my daughter to feel loved unconditionally and to provide her with the best that I could.
As I got older, things changed. We moved into our house, I tried to have another child for a number of years. I was working, still managing the family and going about my daily life. When I stopped concentrating so hard on having another child, I was blessed with my son. He was a miracle I didn’t know how much I missed until he arrived. He brought a distraction from the dissatisfaction that was in my personal life. My daughter was getting older. My relationship was becoming stagnant; my role in the family unit was changing. I had my son to concentrate on and that’s what I did. I continued on my journey.
I had a major health scare; a wakeup call that made me realize how short life really is. My daughter is in a place where she is happy and loved and I am grateful for her every day. My son is getting to an age where the day to day Mom role is becoming less necessary. My personal life has unraveled because of change, some of which I have embraced and accepted, some I cannot.
I needed to save myself, find what was waiting for me on the next leg of this journey. To achieve what I want, in a place I’d like to be. To determine who I am besides a caretaker, an organizer, a manager of those around me. I will figure it out; it’s not selfish, it’s self-preserving. There will be necessary endings and beginnings on this continuation and that’s going to be OK.
This is my journey; Jude’s Journey, I will find my way. I’m on the home stretch. I’ll continue to be bold and strong. I will use my head alongside my heart. Is your journey turning out the way you wanted? Are you on a path that is fulfilling and helping you grow? Patience is truly a learned virtue. I will wait to get to the destination that I was meant to find. Perhaps I’ll discover that I’ve been there all along and just didn’t recognize it. Who knows? I will wait…With love…
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
For What It's Worth...
Something's happening here, what it is, ain't exactly clear. Super storms, NYSE shut down, transit system crippled, millions and millions stranded and without power. Have you seen the picture of New York City in darkness? What the heck is going on?
I have never in my lifetime witnessed such devastation due to weather. Perhaps these are all wakeup calls that we are not heeding? Katrina, Irene and Sandy, powerful forces of nature for which we have no defense. Is this what we have been warned about? The effects of global warming? Not taking care of the earth we live in?
This has scared the bejeezus out of me! I am fascinated and horrified by the pictures and the news information. I am sorry for the people who live in these areas and what obstacles they have coming in the next few months.
Be grateful for your world. Say a prayer for those directly affected by this devastation. Hug your friends and family. Take a good look at what's going down. With love...
I have never in my lifetime witnessed such devastation due to weather. Perhaps these are all wakeup calls that we are not heeding? Katrina, Irene and Sandy, powerful forces of nature for which we have no defense. Is this what we have been warned about? The effects of global warming? Not taking care of the earth we live in?
This has scared the bejeezus out of me! I am fascinated and horrified by the pictures and the news information. I am sorry for the people who live in these areas and what obstacles they have coming in the next few months.
Be grateful for your world. Say a prayer for those directly affected by this devastation. Hug your friends and family. Take a good look at what's going down. With love...
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