I joke with some of my friends, once in a while, about who I would call in the middle of the night if I needed bail money. If I was stranded somewhere and needed help, who would I reach out to? Are there people in my life that I can call on in a crunch? Are there people that would have a conversation or just listen without judgment or recrimination? Would they be there with a helping hand (or that bail money) just because I asked?
I am working on reclaiming my independence. My life was affected directly and harshly, early on in the economy tanking. Add to that my health issues and I was a sobbing, shaky mess every single day. I lamented and cried on the phone to my friends with the hope of find some solution. I was afraid, I was sick in body, mind and spirit. I was suspicious of everyone and everything. I didn’t feel like I could trust or count on anyone. I got the impression from those closest to me that they just couldn’t listen anymore.
I remember making the decision to pull in, not away. It was time to unburden my friends. It was time to distance myself from this self-pity wallowing that I had bought into. It was time to pull my big girl pants on and try to figure myself and my life out. No one was going to fix anything for me. I needed to weed out the garden of my life and get my act together. I want to live a full, productive life. I want to get past the crappy economy, get out of relationships that have gone stale and stagnant. I want to embrace new experiences, new things and rediscover the people in my life with whom I have a mutually satisfying relationship.
I also want those who love and who have stuck with me to know: I am grateful that you have my back. Through thick and thin, laughter and sobbing, you have listened and loved me. You have offered your opinions when I’ve asked and held back to let me figure things out on my own when I haven’t. You have gone on some of my new adventures and had fun with me. You would answer the phone call in the middle of the night for whatever reason. Of this I am certain and that makes me smile.
I also want them to know that I am there for them too, any time, any place if they need me. We may not see each other all the time, but when we do it’s like it was yesterday, comfortable, special and needed. No matter how busy our lives get, we somehow keep up, keep in touch. We don’t judge or criticize, we offer help and love. We listen and learn, we talk about anything and everything. I would figure out a way to get you that bail money! It doesn’t matter, whatever you do, do as you please, and I’ll back you up…With love…